(RoyRottiRot/}

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27 March 2007, 3/27/2007 07:00:00 PM

Shout shout shout.

Shout Shout Shout! Grrrr..

Never be at a place for too long.
I always don't have the answer to all.
Things are always sweeter than feeling down.
Things aren't sweeter if you're unusually happy.

I walked with my lifeless shoes on a clueless track;aimless.
All i said, I have dreams to follow.
Dreams are here but what should i do with it?
Never would one give a correct answer to it.

Smoke my lifeless cigarettes...( What to do with my life?)

Music and Lyrics, yet another over-rated movie - every cinema i went for the movie tickets were selling fast- which bothered me a lot especially after the movie. I left the cinema with 2 words in my mind, horrible and boring. Drew Barrymore- I love her because of her name- acted horribly and looked retarded in the show. She exhibited to many weird feelings and insane expressions in the movie which made me wondered if she does it purposely or naturally? Is definitely not a movie that i like and would give more than 2 stars for it. Pretty surprised i insisted watching it. The storyline was a BLAH only.

Anyways, I walked out of the theater feeling unusually depressed. Friends saw it on my face. I didn't want to speak out what was on my mind at that time. It was all messy up my mind, too messy to be organised into words. BTW, Music and Lyrics has no linked to me feeling depressed then. Plus, is a movie I watched and cant be bothered with it. My mind was very occupied with depressing thoughts even when walking with JQ and Margaret to the MRT.

Stories continues...

In Roy's mind,

I don't know about this holiday, about not a single meaningful thing i have done. No real accomplishments. It felt like nothing meaningful is done during it which I promised myself to make use of this vacation before it even started.

Then, another thing struck- about my Artist Training course at LWS. I know i have yearn for such an opportunity for years and years. Now given such a opportunity to experience my coming dreams and a path to realizing it, yet i don't know how to deal with it. I thought i'm always prepared for it. Not any sooner, I realised I'm so unprepared for it. I know my friends couldn't help me much besides the supports and lucks sprinkling over to me .

I have been feeling this way since i stepped into the first lesson of the Artist Training course. I went in unhappy, came out of it even more unhappy. My classmates cum competitors are okay people. They just mind their own business or living their own world with their clicks which i'm pretty fine. I just didn't feel happy and feeling lonely in the class. A class of people having fucked up looks, one looking fucking fierce and old, others so occupied with their own conversation and many looked snobbish-not like all have impressive voices. I thought this holidays would be filled with surprises and many things to do that has a link to the artist training course like performing in front of big crowds. I mean i paid 1600 for the 4 month course, stepping out of every lesson feeling nothing has accomplished and always buried with the feelings of skipping lesson when the day come. It not a way to realising my dreams.

Like I always tell myself. I don't want to live a life with only limited things i could do. Be a student, study , work then settle down with a family; so typical of a Singaporeans mindset. I cannot tolerate such a Singaporean life. I want something different. My dreams are more than just being a student , an accountant and latter a bread winner. I dreamed to be a singer, composer, lyricist, producer, cook, teacher and come to the last, an accountant. Why so many dreams because i gonna set myself with different paths in my life. I called that safety paths. One not met go for other. But my main main main dream is to be famous and of course to be a singer.

So what is bothering me now is how should i present myself well in every lesson I gonna attend. How i dress, look, talk and sing is all counted. I don't like ended up letting the instructor to feel disappointed and no comments of me. I love comments, good or bad, i don't really care. I mean if u are commented that means you have gotten more attention. No, that does not imply being a attention whore. It implies, competition, fight to reach for my dreams. I would really appreciate if the fast song i've chosen for the showcase to the EMI recording company boss would impress people. Actually, I already know what songs to present , just clueless whether are they good enough to impress people? After all, chance is only given once, is either i embrace it tightly or i could just anyhow deal with it. That simple. I'm very lazy to even practice the songs and i don't know why. Is it the song i don't like or have let myself affected by those feelings mentioned earlier? Arghhh... Again and Again. I need motivations and something that i would aim for badly and to spice myself up fully.

Anyway, about dressing , i would seriously thank people if they could help me in that. I need a pair of shoes for dunno 1928309128098123 year long, more funky nice shirts and tees bottoms and accessories. Fuck the course, i need to dress like a star having limited $$$. Fuck them. Grrr... The problem is i don't wanna spend so much on my clothing , latter ended up with nothing- back to a typical Singaporean life. That seriously is not worth .

:(

chao.

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